I Took Antidepressants for 8 Years So I Could Stay in the Wrong Life

Burnout Part 2: On antidepressants, misalignment, and the cost of numbness

I started taking antidepressants in my mid-twenties, after being diagnosed with PMDD. For up to ten days every month, I would fall into a dark, heavy fog. I felt disconnected, unhappy, sometimes like I didn’t want to be alive anymore.

At the time, the medication felt like a solution. The extreme lows softened. The mood swings evened out. I could keep functioning.

And I did. I functioned extremely well.

I finished a PhD at Princeton. I built relationships with National Geographic. I produced work that earned recognition and respect. From the outside, it looked like a period of incredible success.

But looking back, I can see something I couldn’t see then.